somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
