Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
