drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
