She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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