How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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