I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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