God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
