Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
