wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
