He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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