I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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