Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
