How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
