take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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