no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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