I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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