I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
