I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
