saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
