and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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