That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
