I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
