please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
