Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dear god my vagina.
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