Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
