My pussy is not your playground.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
