this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sober January is a disaster.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
