i jhust puked up my retainher.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
