Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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