we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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