Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my poor anus
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
