You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize