He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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