I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
