you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
