my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
