You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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