..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
