At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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