She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
