i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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