How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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