Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
dude. I can hear the air.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
