I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
