Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize