No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
