I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
