remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
