I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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