I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
