Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize