I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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