the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
