So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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