New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
