Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
