watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
