every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
