oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
