I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
