I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
