Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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