just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
