at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
