So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
