I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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