Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
