Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
