please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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