please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
