I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize