you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
