At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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