To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize