My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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