lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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