32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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