just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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