i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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