I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
