I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
