we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
