I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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