I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
