Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
