Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
