my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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