Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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