i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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