you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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