Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
