That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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